searching for something to keep me CONSTRUCTIVE.

my job coach left my place over an hour ago i think and she helped me find and apply to a few more jobs. she suggested a person who tests products in costco and i agreed to it because the pay was good but now that i'm thinking about it- i don't know if i'll be able to stay interested in this job.. i won't know until i try but i'm not sure of the kind of experience i'll get on my resume putting this job experience on it.. a job's a job though. i probably won't get it anyway. i told her about my phone interview with planet fitness tomorrow. so i'm at least making it to the stages before actually gaining employment. i'm not sure if i've already interviewed with planet fitness before- it probably was a different location though. my job coach said to me, "you just have to pour things or try them out!.. it's not a hard job at all." i didn't really think anything of this comment when she said it to me but now i'm wondering if she thinks i'm just looking for easy jobs because those are the only ones i'm capable of doing? i'm not really sure i'll stay interested or with a good attitude at all times when working this job though. it's good money but i'm sure that i won't make a career outta this job- so i'm not really sure it's wise to waste my time on a job that won't qualify or lead to better options in employment.. it's just something to put on my resume to show i'm actively working but i'm not sure of how many jobs will really take this job in consideration.. who knows? i'm not an employer and there are probably people out there who worked this job and it lead somewhere better. i go to sabathani in like 20 minutes to work the front desk.
i keep thinking about how this year it'll be my 40th birthday and amy basically said that i couldn't take a trip to mexico for my birthday this year. it'd probably be more significant to me since it IS my fortieth but i can't expect anyone to care about that- it's too inconvenient for them. i can't even see where i was born.. i haven't been there since i was born. i was also thinking about how amanda might have used how i sarcastically give her credit for being a stylist- now she knows how it feels for people to treat her like she's stupid. I KNOW EXACTLY HOW THAT FEELS. SHE TREATS ME THAT WAY AND INSINUATES IT BY THE LACK OF CARE AND "SUPPORT" I GET FROM HER- EXPECTING ME TO LOWER MY CAPABILITY AND CONFIDENCE JUST TO MAKE IT LOOKS LIKE SHE ACTUALLY CARES AND SUPPORTS ME. IF she REALLY cared about me- she'd KNOW that i already wasted at least 5-10 years at courage kenny and the ONLY reason why i'm not in my wheelchair anymore is because of tram holloway and arp therapy. kevin (the physical therapist at courage kenny) discouraged me from walking without any support at courage kenny because then the pointless, overrated institute couldn't get credit for "helping" me do NOTHING with my body.